Interracial and Multicultural Issues
We all have a set of beliefs that affect the basic principles by which we live our lives. They dictate our behavior, and to a certain extent, the behavior we expect from others. As children, its natural for us to adopt beliefs without thinking, as we attempt to learn the customs and beliefs our parents, teachers, and community at large are attempting to instill in us. Often, though, as we mature and move through life, we begin to discover that some of these beliefs are limiting, self-defeating or simply unworkable because they may have been founded on outdated, stereotypical systems - systems that could never have imagined the issues we would face as persons of mixed ethnic heritage living in a multicultural society.
Ethnicity brings variety and richness to a society by introducing different ideas and customs. We cannot begin to know who we are without first acknowledging that our cultural roots have affected us. Logically we know that children's identity is greatly impacted by race, ethnicity and culture. I'm not sure we are sensitive to how much these issues also affect children's self esteem and emotional adjustment.
Ethnic Differences
Interracial relationships face challenges not only from the prejudice of others, but also from inherent problems of differences between their respective cultures which combine with those that may already be present in the relationship. What's most interesting is that many people in these relationships don't thoroughly understand each other's cultural differences. What ends up happening is that it doesn't occur to either party that perhaps many of the challenges their relationship faces can be traced back to cultural differences in basic beliefs.
Children of mixed ethnicity often face even greater challenges, not because their parents didn't give them enough love, respect, racial socialization, or cultural sensitivity, but because of the discrepancy that may exist between the ethnic identity they have internalized and the ethnic lens through which the community at large views them. This can be significant because society feels it needs to place the child in one race or the other no matter how the child sees him or herself.
Cultural Differences
Relationships are already a merging of two peoples. When the two people are from different countries, or different races, you can expect vast amounts of difference from many different perspectives. For instance, there is a difference in the way men and women from different cultures view the marriage relationship and specifically the role of the husband and the wife. How this difference affects a marriage is determined by the expectations each partner brings into the marriage.
We assume everyone living in this country adjusts to the "American way of life" with ease. That is true to a certain extent, but there may be many role values a person can have great difficulty with.
Another example, and one I see often, is young adults trying to live "the American dream" to its fullest, but in doing so, knowingly invite their parents' disappointment - either because the relationship they have chosen is not ethnically pure, or the parents' have become victims of their biases and stereotypical beliefs about certain ethnic groups, or a daughter chooses to remain single instead of getting married and having children.
For instance, in many cultures parents have very definite beliefs about when their job as parents is done - i.e., that is, when they feel their daughter is married to a man they approve of and has a 'good' job so that she and her husband can make a good life for herself and her family.
You have to teach your partner your customs and culture. Not your prejudices and beliefs!
Multicultural Couples
- Bridge differing views, customs and values
- Subtle and not-so-subtle issues of prejudice
- Handling the extended family and beyond